Win at All Costs
Going into the weekend with posts like chessloser's hanging around I figured I would share some thoughts about tournament play.
I am aware that there are people out there who just go to tournaments to enjoy themselves and get some good chess in. I respect that, but that is not what I go to a tournament for. I think this is what really got to me in LA. I don't play well if I'm not in the running for first. As soon as I cannot win the tournament I am depressed. Even a top 10 finish has been known to disappoint me. I'm sure that I've won money in more tournaments than I haven't, even if it wasn't enough to recoup the entry fee it was enough to feel like I played well.
I play to win. Every game, every move I'm thinking about winning. I hate draws and will lose games trying to at least create problems for my opponent. Although more recently I find drawing lost games as quite an accomplishment and I'm enjoying that.
People like me often get criticized because all we think about is our rating, but in reality all I think about is winning. My rating is just coming along for the ride, a good indicator of how much I've won. How good I've actually played. I used to think that I was stronger than my rating, but I'm not. No one is. Every point is earned.
The way I've kept my rating going up is by consistently outperforming my rating tournament after tournament, game after game. This makes me think about the meaning of chess improvement.
I've tried through my experience to gain almost exclusively practical knowledge. Knowledge that would help me win games. Not knowledge that enhances my appreciation for the game, but knowledge that in my hands would be deadly. I aim only to create at the board. To find outlandish continuations that must be checked and rechecked but cannot be resolved without actually entering into them. And this is where we fight. On the edge of a cliff.
I've never played a master before. Tomorrow I will very likely encounter one. Or the next day. The first time that I can remember playing an expert was when I played David Ryba in the Hot August Knights tournaments at Jerry Weikel's house when I was 16. I beat him with a 4 or 5 move combination that I just happened to spot, I was so happy. Then Jerry crushed me the next round. I wonder if I can find those games. Ever since that day I was never afraid to play with an expert, cause I figured I could keep up.
From all the dropped pieces, missed mates, lost endings, failed openings I began to catch on at some point, and I realized other players must be making the same mistakes. Now at a higher level for some reason I started to forget that. I started thinking about how I used to look up to these players as where I should be and now I'm here and I'm scared.
But I think that's good. A lot of times when I think that a player does not have a good chance of beating me I get cocky. I make mistakes. I get careless. If your rating is over 2200 I am going to be SHARP. I am going to play hard, block the world out, just like I did 6 years ago against Ryba when he was 600 points my senior. Now there are only a couple players at the tournament that are that much better than me.
I very rarely find a way to put my best game on display but when I do I play very strong chess. I've been beating experts for long enough. I want to win this tournament 2000-2199 and I want some master scalps.
I am aware that there are people out there who just go to tournaments to enjoy themselves and get some good chess in. I respect that, but that is not what I go to a tournament for. I think this is what really got to me in LA. I don't play well if I'm not in the running for first. As soon as I cannot win the tournament I am depressed. Even a top 10 finish has been known to disappoint me. I'm sure that I've won money in more tournaments than I haven't, even if it wasn't enough to recoup the entry fee it was enough to feel like I played well.
I play to win. Every game, every move I'm thinking about winning. I hate draws and will lose games trying to at least create problems for my opponent. Although more recently I find drawing lost games as quite an accomplishment and I'm enjoying that.
People like me often get criticized because all we think about is our rating, but in reality all I think about is winning. My rating is just coming along for the ride, a good indicator of how much I've won. How good I've actually played. I used to think that I was stronger than my rating, but I'm not. No one is. Every point is earned.
The way I've kept my rating going up is by consistently outperforming my rating tournament after tournament, game after game. This makes me think about the meaning of chess improvement.
I've tried through my experience to gain almost exclusively practical knowledge. Knowledge that would help me win games. Not knowledge that enhances my appreciation for the game, but knowledge that in my hands would be deadly. I aim only to create at the board. To find outlandish continuations that must be checked and rechecked but cannot be resolved without actually entering into them. And this is where we fight. On the edge of a cliff.
I've never played a master before. Tomorrow I will very likely encounter one. Or the next day. The first time that I can remember playing an expert was when I played David Ryba in the Hot August Knights tournaments at Jerry Weikel's house when I was 16. I beat him with a 4 or 5 move combination that I just happened to spot, I was so happy. Then Jerry crushed me the next round. I wonder if I can find those games. Ever since that day I was never afraid to play with an expert, cause I figured I could keep up.
From all the dropped pieces, missed mates, lost endings, failed openings I began to catch on at some point, and I realized other players must be making the same mistakes. Now at a higher level for some reason I started to forget that. I started thinking about how I used to look up to these players as where I should be and now I'm here and I'm scared.
But I think that's good. A lot of times when I think that a player does not have a good chance of beating me I get cocky. I make mistakes. I get careless. If your rating is over 2200 I am going to be SHARP. I am going to play hard, block the world out, just like I did 6 years ago against Ryba when he was 600 points my senior. Now there are only a couple players at the tournament that are that much better than me.
I very rarely find a way to put my best game on display but when I do I play very strong chess. I've been beating experts for long enough. I want to win this tournament 2000-2199 and I want some master scalps.
And i end up losing even... Great post!
It's like jumping into cold water when you're dry: a bit nerve-wrecking at first, but once your head gets wet it feels natural.
Good luck on your matches, and hopefully you made some space on your wall for those master scalps!
Good luck on your encounters with the masters. You've shown enough progress to show that you have what it takes to put up a good fight against a 2200... perhaps you might tag a few!
Excellent post. I wish I could play every tournament with that type of focus and intensity. I play in so many tournaments where there is only 1 section and I I may play a master and a coule of A players before I face someone my rating or lower. With that type of competition I can't realistically have the "I'm going to win this tournament" mindset. I guess I need to play in a few more tournaments where I do have a legitimate chance of winning, and use what worked for me last weekend.
nemo - I'm glad that I've been able to inspire you of late. Keep at it! We'll talk in Vegas.
polly - Although I know it is hard I think the most important thing is to check your emotions and when you realize you make a mistake just compose yourself and make the best move you can find and continue. As soon as you get down on yourself the game gets difficult.